When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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