I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
