I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
