did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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