Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The power of my boobs compel you
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
