Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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