i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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