He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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