come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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