I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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