Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You are the jesus of drinking
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
