what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
