hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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