I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i will never coherently bang her
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.