I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The fabulous human disaster: it is him