Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
