Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
