i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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