grandma shit on top of the toilet
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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