So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
