i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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