No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
