Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
