She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
