i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
