My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
