Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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