A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I AM VODKA MAN
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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