I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
