after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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