you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
