i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
