i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
nutella sex= disaster
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
