Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
