And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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