Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
