On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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