Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
