Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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