If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
