When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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