He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
