i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
