Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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