I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
