If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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