Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
