I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
