Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think i have two assholes
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
