Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
