Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
