There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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