this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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