What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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