New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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