I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You made out with two different species that night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
