My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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