Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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