Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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