she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
