I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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