I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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