i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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