thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
