Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
