I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it because I queefed?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
