is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
