I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My vagina is very pro this idea
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