The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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