when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
