i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
