if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize