ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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