There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
